These are trying times. Whilst there is much fear, uncertainty and apathy among the collective, another sexual revolution is actually in full swing. As individuals we are becoming smarter, stronger and achieve more than ever before. It doesn’t seem that way on television, but personal growth is accelerating. We care, we learn, we evolve, and look out for each other. In these trying times, we are only as strong as out network of personal relationships. We don’t live on islands – we are all connected to the whole. “Heaven is when you are with the whole, Hell is when you are against the whole.” Osho
So, while we digest our holiday dinners, financial reports or wonder where to find the organic roots that will keep us healthy and sane are coming from, it’s good to remember our own roots. Which goes straight to the root chakra, and that is about survival. During times of war survival becomes the prime objective, and survival always depends on sex. But sex is more than making babies.
Sex is easiest accessible transcendental experience known to mankind. It takes us from one state of consciousness into the next. A tremendous amount of life force energy awakens during puberty. This hardwired internal drive compels us to question the authority of elders, and venture boldly into countless agonies and ecstasies.
Sexual chemistry between people is transformational in nature. It generates powerful changes. On a purely physical level there is the tension built-up and pleasurable release, somewhat akin to sneezing. Wilhelm Reich researched deeply into the function of orgasm, and proofed that we need orgasms in order to function well, without the big O we become all tense and twisted. Sexual frustration is a root cause for violent, addictive behavior. We become angry with others, and against ourselves. One of the root causes of depression is anger turned inward.
“There cannot be any peace in the world as long as there is war between the genders. More people suffer from loneliness and lack of sex and love, rather then from environmental pollution.” Quote: Dieter Duhm – Eros Unredeemed
Having sex is the easiest, fastest and healthiest way to enter a trance – state, an altered level of consciousness. A partner is definitely an asset, but not necessarily required. Lets not deprive our selves of pleasure because the perfect match is not present at the time. Lets drop all hang-ups and guilt-trips about the body and what makes us sexy or loveable and just do it. Pleasure heals! Your body is engineered to have lots of it. What are you saving ourselves for? You’re not spend yet!
The sexual partner, and your relationship experience accurately reflect the state of your duality issues. Experience is a swift teacher. All your loves are teachings and your lovers are teachers. Along with the experiences that apparently, randomly just so ‘happen to us’. There are no coincidences, everything is co-created and part of the big picture.
Sex is the core, the engine of a relationship. We have relationships with others, not just the sexual ones, in order to play, learn and procreate. Parents, kids, friends, neighbors, visitors, teachers, students, co-workers, we’re in constant exchange with all of them. This interdependence affects our love relationships. Expectations, dreams, projections, status seeking, illusions and disillusionment are all part of the mating game. We learn these gender dances from our parents and continue from there on.
At this time all our traditional relationship models are up for revision. There is a huge myth, an unspoken rule about the nature of humans. It postulates that men are by nature polygamous, and women by nature monogamous. Nothing could be further from the truth. Some people are, by nature more monogamous than others. Just like some animal species mate for life, but the majority don’t.
The human desire for fidelity arises out of insecurity. There is a need to claim, to own the other, to be sure about them. Commitment is a promise, and like all promises it can be deceptive in nature.
Relationships are last, but not least, about conflict resolution. This involves finding a sincere and honest way of doing them. And since our love relationships are teachings we end up learning faster and more from one another, rather than all by our lonesome. This is why in many spiritual traditions most men are initiated by women, and vice versa.
In order for love to blossom in our hearts, sexual issues and agendas have to be resolved. Alas, there is much personal baggage, and heavy projections that come with the territory. We fall in love with what we like to see, with what it reminds us of, not with what is really there.
And frequently need to repeat patterns and deal with issues from our childhoods, and from our parent’s relation to each other. The most important relation to heal is the one with the self. When we don’t feel good about ourselves, it’s virtually impossible for others to feel good about us. There is a vicious circle between the poor self-image, which leads into dysfunctional relationships, which in turn leads into an even poorer self-image.
‘Falling in love’ happens when sexual chemistry meets mutual projection. Here is someone who fits our inner anima/animus to the max. Sexual ecstasy and rational thought seem to exclude one another.
“Being in love and being in control is mutually exclusive.” Quote Osho
When we are in love we are not in control, and when we are in control we are not in love. Which is why sex is a scary experience for those that have been taught, to be in control all the time.
Sex does not really begin with the onset of puberty, nor does it start and stop at intercourse. Sex relates to the deep-seated inner longing to seek what gives pleasure, and to avoid what causes pain. This happens already in early childhood, a time when many children, temporarily, discover the art of self-pleasuring. Self-pleasuring, the exploration of ones personal joys and ecstasies is an important step towards self-love. If we cannot love ourselves, it will be very hard for others to love us. Sexual fulfillment is the key to psychological and physiological well-being. The pagan Goddess, which preceded the judeo-christian jealous God says: ”All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals.”
All acts of love and sex are sacred, as long as they happen between consenting adults. Evolution is calling us to sanctify and renew the relationships between men and women. Only when the collective has realized the sacred nature of the sexual pleasure can there be peace between the genders, the generations, and the nations as well.
In the meantime we can do much to improve our lives. More and more people are discovering open relationships. Same sex unions are on the rise along with sexual relations between friends, which are now called ‘friends with benefits’. Sometimes our bodies know something that our minds don’t. That’s why it can be easier to connect sexually with someone on vacation, or that’s just coming through. We can be more open, if we know for sure this one is not going to want to move in next week, and threaten us with ‘domestic compromise.’
Also, much personal health and integrity comes from cultivating friendships, caring for others in volunteer organization or caring for a pet. Dean Ornish “Love & Survival”. Love is everywhere, we just have to tap it. What’s keeping us from love is the part where we judge ourselves undeserving, because we don’t quite fit into the ideal of smooth, hair, odor and fat-free immortality. So drop all of that and start feeling good now. Become a hedonist, pursue pleasure just for pleasures sake, and it doesn’t have to be sex at all either. Loving touch is what we crave, that’s why there is such a huge rise in massage and bodywork. We’re tribal, social animals that need to be touched in order to feel good. So go right ahead, what are you waiting for? You’re not spend yet!
By Lola Babalon