Make Love, not War

These are trying times.  Whilst there is much fear, uncertainty and apathy among the collective, another sexual revolution is actually in full swing. As individuals we are becoming smarter, stronger and achieve more than ever before.  It doesn’t seem that way on television, but personal growth is accelerating.  We care, we learn, we evolve, and look out for each other.  In these trying times, we are only as strong as out network of personal relationships.  We don’t live on islands – we are all connected to the whole.  “Heaven is when you are with the whole, Hell is when you are against the whole.” Osho 

So, while we digest our holiday dinners, financial reports or wonder where to find the organic roots that will keep us healthy and sane are coming from, it’s good to remember our own roots.  Which goes straight to the root chakra, and that is about survival.  During times of war survival becomes the prime objective, and survival always depends on sex.  But sex is more than making babies.

Sex is easiest accessible transcendental experience known to mankind.  It takes us from one state of consciousness into the next.  A tremendous amount of life force energy awakens during puberty.  This hardwired internal drive compels us to question the authority of elders, and venture boldly into countless agonies and ecstasies.

Sexual chemistry between people is transformational in nature. It generates powerful changes.  On a purely physical level there is the tension built-up and pleasurable release, somewhat akin to sneezing.  Wilhelm Reich researched deeply into the function of orgasm, and proofed that we need orgasms in order to function well, without the big O we become all tense and twisted.  Sexual frustration is a root cause for violent, addictive behavior.  We become angry with others, and against ourselves. One of the root causes of depression is anger turned inward.

“There cannot be any peace in the world as long as there is war between the genders.  More people suffer from loneliness and lack of sex and love, rather then from environmental pollution.” Quote: Dieter Duhm – Eros Unredeemed

Having sex is the easiest, fastest and healthiest way to enter a trance – state, an altered level of consciousness.   A partner is definitely an asset, but not necessarily required.  Lets not deprive our selves of pleasure because the perfect match is not present at the time.  Lets drop all hang-ups and guilt-trips about the body and what makes us sexy or loveable and just do it.  Pleasure heals!  Your body is engineered to have lots of it.  What are you saving ourselves for?  You’re not spend yet!

The sexual partner, and your relationship experience accurately reflect the state of your duality issues.  Experience is a swift teacher.  All your loves are teachings and your lovers are teachers.  Along with the experiences that apparently, randomly just so ‘happen to us’.  There are no coincidences, everything is co-created and part of the big picture.

Sex is the core, the engine of a relationship.   We have relationships with others, not just the sexual ones, in order to play, learn and procreate.  Parents, kids, friends, neighbors, visitors, teachers, students, co-workers, we’re in constant exchange with all of them.  This interdependence affects our love relationships.  Expectations, dreams, projections, status seeking, illusions and disillusionment are all part of the mating game.  We learn these gender dances from our parents and continue from there on.

At this time all our traditional relationship models are up for revision. There is a huge myth, an unspoken rule about the nature of humans.  It postulates that men are by nature polygamous, and women by nature monogamous.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Some people are, by nature more monogamous than others.  Just like some animal species mate for life, but the majority don’t.

The human desire for fidelity arises out of insecurity.  There is a need to claim, to own the other, to be sure about them.  Commitment is a promise, and like all promises it can be deceptive in nature.

Relationships are last, but not least, about conflict resolution.  This involves finding a sincere and honest way of doing them.  And since our love relationships are teachings we end up learning faster and more from one another, rather than all by our lonesome.  This is why in many spiritual traditions most men are initiated by women, and vice versa.

In order for love to blossom in our hearts, sexual issues and agendas have to be resolved.  Alas, there is much personal baggage, and heavy projections that come with the territory.  We fall in love with what we like to see, with what it reminds us of, not with what is really there.

And frequently need to repeat patterns and deal with issues from our childhoods, and from our parent’s relation to each other.  The most important relation to heal is the one with the self.  When we don’t feel good about ourselves, it’s virtually impossible for others to feel good about us.  There is a vicious circle between the poor self-image, which leads into dysfunctional relationships, which in turn leads into an even poorer self-image.

‘Falling in love’ happens when sexual chemistry meets mutual projection.  Here is someone who fits our inner anima/animus to the max.  Sexual ecstasy and rational thought seem to exclude one another.

“Being in love and being in control is mutually exclusive.” Quote Osho

When we are in love we are not in control, and when we are in control we are not in love.  Which is why sex is a scary experience for those that have been taught, to be in control all the time.

Sex does not really begin with the onset of puberty, nor does it start and stop at intercourse.  Sex relates to the deep-seated inner longing to seek what gives pleasure, and to avoid what causes pain.  This happens already in early childhood, a time when many children, temporarily, discover the art of self-pleasuring.  Self-pleasuring, the exploration of ones personal joys and ecstasies is an important step towards self-love.  If we cannot love ourselves, it will be very hard for others to love us.  Sexual fulfillment is the key to psychological and physiological well-being.  The pagan Goddess, which preceded the judeo-christian jealous God says: ”All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals.”

All acts of love and sex are sacred, as long as they happen between consenting adults.  Evolution is calling us to sanctify and renew the relationships between men and women.  Only when the collective has realized the sacred nature of the sexual pleasure can there be peace between the genders, the generations, and the nations as well.

In the meantime we can do much to improve our lives.  More and more people are discovering open relationships.  Same sex unions are on the rise along with sexual relations between friends, which are now called ‘friends with benefits’. Sometimes our bodies know something that our minds don’t.  That’s why it can be easier to connect sexually with someone on vacation, or that’s just coming through.  We can be more open, if we know for sure this one is not going to want to move in next week, and threaten us with ‘domestic compromise.’

Also, much personal health and integrity comes from cultivating friendships, caring for others in volunteer organization or caring for a pet.  Dean Ornish “Love & Survival”.  Love is everywhere, we just have to tap it.  What’s keeping us from love is the part where we judge ourselves undeserving, because we don’t quite fit into the ideal of smooth, hair, odor and fat-free immortality.  So drop all of that and start feeling good now.  Become a hedonist, pursue pleasure just for pleasures sake, and it doesn’t have to be sex at all either.  Loving touch is what we crave, that’s why there is such a huge rise in massage and bodywork.  We’re tribal, social animals that need to be touched in order to feel good.  So go right ahead, what are you waiting for?  You’re not spend yet!

By Lola Babalon



from the peaks and valleys of Topanga Canyon.

The word sexpeace was coined by Dieter Duhm, whose article on the topic is posted below.  He’s a deep thinker, radical innovator and a co-founder of the German community Zegg.

This site is intended as a resource, a catalyst for positive change.  It promotes radical honesty, transparency and  personal integrity in relationships.

I have been a sexpeace activist all my life and encourage you all to love more, to love freely and unconditionally.


GreenPeace and SexPeace

by Dieter Duhm, Ph.D.
Chapter excerpt from “Eros Unredeemed”. Floodtide, Fall 1993, 5 (1), p.1-3.

GreenPeace and SexPeace — the healing of the biosphere’s ecological nature and the healing of man’s sexual nature — are two crucial aspects of the one global task we face today. The destruction of life energies in the biosphere and the destruction of life energies in the human organism are inseparable.
Our biosphere is a very diverse and yet homogeneous organism, where body and soul interact very much in the same way they do in the organism of the individual. Based on all the recent findings, we cannot doubt the fact that our planet must be viewed in an holistic way, and that a soul exists in all life processes. The discovery of a unified connectedness in all life is part of modern and enlightened religion and science.

However, our current ecology is for the most part still too closely oriented towards the old mechanistic world view. It usually overlooks the spiritual aspect of the world and therefore reaches false or incomplete conclusions. A truly healing ecology would be concerned with both the biological processes and those of the soul (even this separation of the two terms is inappropriate) in the organism of the biosphere as a whole.

Life in our bodies and life in the biosphere around us are made up of the same energy — the universal life force. It has been called many names, from Chi to Mana, Prana, Orgone, and so on. Many different aspects of this life force have been discussed, with the one exception of sexuality. But sexual energy is one of the main aspects of the universal life force within any organism.

The worldwide violence against the earth, against animals, against children, and against our fellow human beings calls for a new concept of human civilization. The innermost core of this new concept must touch the most elemental human questions concerning sexuality, love partnership, community, and belonging — the meaning of life and ‘home’. Whether our future society will remain inhumane or become humane, whether the children will grow up happy or unhappy, will to a great extent depend a how the human being tackles and solves his inner issues.

Whenever a neglected child is forced to create new and crooked paths in order to get love and attention, and then receives either moral or physical punishment, structural violence is created. Whenever his curiosity and desire to play are suppressed by the one-dimensional rationalism of an adult, structural violence is created. Whenever sexuality and love are forced into tight restraints, into narrow monogamous relationships or strict promises of eternal fidelity, structural violence is created. Whenever an individual’s authentic religious experience is invalidated by the dogma of a church, structural violence is created.

All dogmas and all structures that are too rigid are like dams holding back the universal life energy. Any attempt at leveling life or forcing it into narrow channels creates a subliminal reservoir of destruction and violence. If the natural forces of life — pulsation, vibration, flow, rhythm, opening, closing, etc. — are hampered by moralistic or technical violence, malfunctions or illnesses result. And this applies to nature in the outer world as well as the inner nature of man.
It applies to a river in the countryside as well as to love. If a freely vibrating, wandering river is locked into a straight course of concrete, it is deprived of its natural self-healing powers. If the Eros is locked into a concrete course of sexual morality by religion or matrimony, it too is deprived of its natural power of self- healing. Far more people are suffering and dying from unresolved problems of sexuality and love than from all other cultural illnesses. Man has not only ruined the earth, but he has ruined himself by permanent neglect and attacks upon his own sexual, mental, and emotional energy. Even the Pepsodent smile can no longer gloss over this fact.

Healing and becoming whole will start as soon as man’s actions resonate with the functional principles of the living world. GreenPeace and SexPeace — peace with nature and peace between the sexes — is the framework in which the healing work for a non-violent earth can occur.

It is only when man begins to look at desires the way they truly are, without prejudging them, and lifting them into his conscious life, that we will be able overcome this basic and traumatic structural violence. It is only by becoming aware of our drives, accepting and integrating them, that we will begin liberate and humanize them in a controlled manner. Then, and only then will we be able to reflect upon and design our sexuality in a new way without hatred or prejudice. Only when there no more hidden explosive charges in sexual attitudes and activities will we be able to trust one another.

Trust and destruction cannot go together. Love and trust are man’s and natue’s authentic powers of self-healing. An organism that is touched by these powers can, and usually will, heal itself. If our biosphere were filled with love and trust, it too would go through a healing process. Our common future depends planetary research for the creation of systems in which the powers of trust and healing can grow.

Free love — free of fear, free of violence, and free of lies — grows out of a profound understanding which is possible only in non-violent structures. Free love is closely linked with truth and trust. Without these it makes no sense. Truth and trust, however, have not been part of human society for a very long time. They will have to be recreated under new social conditions. For the realization of GreenPeace and SexPeace, we need a new, interconnected environment of healing in which the sexual dead-end as well as the ecological dead-end can be overcome.

For the realization of GreenPeace and SexPeace, we need a new, interconnected environment of healing in which the sexual dead-end as well as the ecological dead-end can be overcome.

Imagine people living together without any fears, lies, or distrust — without any obsolete prohibitions that prevent them from experiencing love. They would lead aware, sensual, creative lives. They would enjoy sexual fulfillment, each one according to his own definition, without having to hide half of their desires. They would have sufficient intelligence and technical possibilities available for the adventure of research and development in all areas of the earth and the universe.

They would continually discover new things in the fields of energy, nutrition, recycling, etc. In short, they would lead fulfilled inner and outer lives and would no longer need vicarious experiences and surrogates for life.

The interconnections are clear. The current efforts being made to prevent an ecological catastrophe must be combined with even greater efforts aimed at solving the human issue. Ecological concepts must include new concepts of love and community, otherwise neither one carries any conviction. Those interested in saving this planet must become just as interested in freeing human sexuality as they are freeing the dolphins.

The issue is not whether we can do it or not. It is a fact that we must. May the same enthusiasm and commitment with which we are fighting for GreenPeace today be doubled in intensity for the realization of SexPeace tomorrow.

Dr. Dieter Duhm holds an M.A. psychology and a Ph.D. in sociology. He a leading figure in the student movement the 1960’s in Germany and has written several books, including the best-selling ‘Fear In Capitalism.’ This article is an excerpted from ‘Eros Unredeemed,’ soon to be translated in its entirety and available in English. Co-founder of Tamera.